I am looking for a kindred spirit that enjoys, sex, baths, and cereal. So why not try them all at the same time? Now, be warned I have some very specific stipulations for this fantasy of mine:
1) The cereal must have less than 2 grams of protein per serving. Thats right, the pure sugar stuff kids eat to get roofed like junkies on speed. These can include:
Capn Crunchs Peanut Butter Crunch
If you have other suggestions I am more than happy to entertain them.
2) It must be 2% milk, having sex in a bathtub full of cereal is no time for moderation. Plus, I need to get my daily dose of Vitamins A and D.
3) You must be comfortable in the doggie style position. I dont see any other way to avoid shrinkage and still let you enjoy your cereal before it becomes too mushy.
4) If you insist of photography/videography I will need to insist that I wear a Mexican wrestling mask a la Nacho Libre.
5) I plan on making this a safe encounter to please feel free to bring your own utensils.
After we are finished if you feel like you need something to make you regular again, I should have some Grape-Nuts that you can nibble on. If you are serious, send me a photo, I need to make sure you can fit into the tub.
* Location: DC
To the woman that crapped in my car (NE Portland)
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.
I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.
At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please dont feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me was meant to be funny, not offensive.
I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…
What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.
I await your call,
P.S. – If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early Touché