Posted by: smirkdirk | April 5, 2009

The Different Kinds of People

A random, insightful, and funny article on the different kinds of people in the world by Lindy West

Read it now! Yes, right NOW! See if you recognize yourself.

Some of my favorites:

People Who Care About “Tweet” Being the Verb Form of “Twitter” and Have Opinions About Its Usage

This includes people who think you should say “tweet” when you talk about the activity associated with Twitter and people who think you should just use the word “Twitter.” These opinions are equally uninteresting. If you must use the Twitter, or not use the Twitter, just do it (or don’t). Let’s not bring grammar and logic and giving a shit into this.

People Who Claim to Be Afraid of Clowns

These people (and they are numerous) are attempting to cultivate a cute quirk, but they are really just aping a cute quirk cultivated by thousands of cute-quirk-cultivators before them in a giant, gross, boring feedback loop. Yes, clowns can be mildly creepy. But come on. Among the many things that are scarier than clowns: fire, earthquakes, a guy with a knife, riding the bus, colon cancer, falling down the stairs (it could happen at any time!), rapists, people who just kind of look a little rapey and are standing too close to you in line at 7-Eleven, Marlo from The Wire, influenza, and scissors.

People Who Are Old

Notable old people include: Methuselah, George Burns, Andy Rooney, an elephant, Dick Van Dyke, Slade Gorton the senator, Father Time, Slade Gorton the Gorton’s fisherman, Chinese people (they kick white people’s asses at not dying), John McCain’s mom, the old lady who dropped it into the ocean at the end, Harrison Ford.

People Who Don’t Believe in Evolution but Love Antibiotics

Seriously? Either you believe in science or you don’t. If you want to say sentences to me like “God made the earth 29 years ago out of Billy Graham’s stool” or “Every time you take the morning-after pill, Satan has two orgasms,” then go ahead and stay away from Dr. Syringey O’Medicine, MD, from here on out. Because you know that pill that made your strep throat go away? Science invented that. For you. Hey, why don’t you just pray for God to take care of that root canal? I’ll tell you why: Because God didn’t go to dental school, because dental schools don’t admit people who DON’T EXIST.

Smirk here, I’ll even add on of my own!

People on both sides of the evolution/God debate who somehow see these two beliefs as mutually exclusive

Yeah, I’m talking about holier-than-thou assholes who automatically assume that all people who believe in evolution and natural selection are Godless bastards –

But even more so I’m talking about the more-intellectual-than-thou smug, atheist, jerk-offs that automatically assume that all people who believe in God don’t believe in Darwinism or science. Buttholes, that could never concede of a possibility of a God who uses evolution/science as a tool. Bigoted losers, who never realize or see that their own prejudices against all people who believe in a God are as offensive, close-minded, and bigoted as the few examples the bigoted losers they hold up as representative of ALL people who believe in God. Yeah, the douchebags on both sides of the debate that don’t realize how much they have in common with each other. People who use hate and intolerance to fight all the supposed hate and intolerance.

You know who you are. There’s a way to talk about this stuff respectfully. Cut the shit already.

Here’s a song about it

Hey, here’s one more!

Talented people who write an entertaining and hilarious article and then let their prejudices slip through.

Yes, evidently they’ve never heard of an editor – or how about self-editing? And then, if you call them on it and take them to task, pointing out that they just suggested that people who don’t have the same religious views (or non-religious views, as the case may be) should be denied access to the most basic healthcare, accuse you of hyper-sensitivity, and a lack of humor, rather than bite the bullet and admit to the exact same fascism that they claim to abhor.

But enough, go read the article. But for that bit, it is funny!


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