Posted by: smirkdirk | November 29, 2009

500 Things Learned From “Ninja Assassin”

Went to Ninja Assassin yesterday – it was what you would expect it to be; sufficiently ridiculous, amazingly violent and bloody, and pretty entertaining for what it was.

Perusing the IMDB boards for it, I came across the topic that is the title of this post. Here’s the link, and below are the highlights:

(Thanks to the IMDB board peeps who contributed and to “Legendary Badass” who started the thread, A note: this, obviously, will be more amusing if you have seen the movie.)

1. Ninjas can dodge throwing stars and swordfight blindfolded, but they cannot hear cars honking their horns on a busy highway.

2. If you receive an envelope full of black sand, don’t open it. Then you won’t get killed by a ninja.

3. Ninjas can dodge bullets in enclosed areas like underground bases, but they cannot dodge bullets in a wide open area like a secret training ground in the mountains.

4. You can sneak up on ninjas using hummers and copters.

5. You can be stabbed and slashed a billion times and still live, but if you lose a limb, you’re dead.

6. If a girl comes up to you and asks you to help her with her laundry, she’s probably a ninja

7. Young teenage ninja love is special.

8. Ninjas find fingers poking their stomachs more painful than blades slicing their flesh.

9. If you are an Interpol agent participating in an assault on a secret mountaintop ninja training fortress (SMNTF), and you have a speaking part, you do not need protective battle gear.

10. Ninjas can use their minds to heal deep wounds. However, they’re not too sure what to do when a limb gets amputated .


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